two lines and a year ago today

A year ago today, I saw two lines.

I remember seeing that second line instantly appear, closing my eyes and smiling as a feeling of gratitude swept over me. 

It wasn't at all expected, but I had no feeling of surprise. I felt like it had been meant to happen all along. It's hard to even explain. 

I had saved I Samuel 1:27 (For this child I have prayed...) to my phone just a few nights before. When I shared it with Dustin, he told me the name Samuel had popped into his head recently for no reason.

It just all felt so right. 

We told the kids right away and watched their faces light up as they fell in love with a little person that they'd never even seen. 

We chose the middle name for a boy or a girl and dreamed about life with another baby. 

On Warner's third birthday, a week later, it was all over. 

This loss was especially hard. 

I still find myself thinking about how old this sweet babe would have been. Nearly 4 months today.

It still hurts. 

But today I'm remembering the beauty of the day we made room in our hearts and dreamt together.

I am remembering all 4 sweet angels we keep in our heart.

I am grateful for the 4 amazing children we have in our arms. 

And I am sending love to this little one who I fell in love with so easily.